Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Op-shopping

Currently at my best friends house, about to retire into the cinema room to watch some films.
This is actually one of my favorite things to do. Movies with my best friend. The screens so big it's like we are there! 8)

Tomorrow, Adele and I will rise early to catch the early bus to the train-station. Where we will catch the early train to get into the city early. We plan on spending the whole day getting on random buses to get to different op-shops all over the place!

I am excited to get new clothes, but way, way more excited to spend the day with my best friend! Feels like we haven't done anything like this in ages!
I love her >.<


(L)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

family

How annoying is it, that you can choose your friends but not your family.






Sunday, October 25, 2009

awesome.

So one of the "situations" i was in that i have been talking about for ages is fixed. It feels so awesome having this weight lifted off my shoulders. This once constant bourden is goneee! And as a result i have maintained two amazingly amazing best friends and i am currently in the best mood ever.





The two people above, are the best people in the world. And i love them both dearly.

i miss you!

It's coming close to the end of my school year and all that i have been thinking about is what I am leaving behind. I have the most amazing music class in the world. It's a room filled with the most genuine/talented people you could ever meet. Leaving a place where I am so at home, so accepted, so comfortable is going to be incredibly difficult. Music is such a personal thing, something that only the writer can truely understand and explore. You could tell a life story in a song and no body could have a clue what you were writing about. A song you interperate could be a complete paradox to what you thought it was. In my music class, we all have the opportuiny to do this together, we all talk about things that each of us understand and can totally relate to. It makes performance (which is an incredibly difficult thing for me; due to my stage fright) so much easier. Next year is so serious, everything is examined and pulled to peices to give me some sort of grade that is ment to get me to uni. Moving schools now, to a new music class was a horrible idea. I hate the fact that i have to step out of my comfort zone and try to work my way back into it. I honestly cannot see it working out at all. I am deffinatly considering staying at my current school for that class and that class only.
Not being able to see Lochie everyday is going to kill me! We have theeeee best jams and our music just meshs so well together like a vegan pee bee and jay sandwhich. I no for a fact there is zero chance of finding someone nearly as awesome as lochie and an even lesser chance of me finding someone i can jam with so comfortably. He is easily one of my closest friends and i will deffinatly make sure our bands succeed to the best of our ability.
This is Lochie, a.k.a the best person ever.

Considering my school is a hell-hole, there are actually some pretty amazing people there. 90% of which are in my music class. It will be hard leaving because obviously there are some people that i know i wont see out of school. This new school I'm going to, I'm not even keen on anymore. I have to move there completely alone and start from scratch. I hate the idea of being so completely uncomfortable. And to be honest, I am quite a socially awkward person, deffinatly not the c00l3$t k1d 0ut.
Unfortunatly there is no way i can stay at my current school which is what i really want to do.

Anywayssssssssss, going to play guitar now.

(L)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

expectedsuprise

It's weird how you can completely read someone, map out their every move, their every answer, their every choice. Regardless, it still comes as a shock every single time. I expect people to disappoint because that's what the human race is good at. It's what we do best. But it seems it is still just as disturbing, still just as stomach churning just as horrible every time. It is one of those things you can try to prepair yourself for, but you can never be ready, one of those things that is always terrifying and never gets any easier regardless of how many times we go through it.

It is such a shame that they are all so similar, but our optimism seems to get the better of us each time. Looking past all the flaws that are so obviously displayed. We are either too nice or too nasy. When is there the pefect balance to be able to suss out a person properly without these significant mistakes.

Things like this make me feel litterally sick. I feel my stomach turn to shit every time something like this happens. I think it happens when pure hatred mixes with hope. It's like drinking a gallon of milk, then a gallon of apple juice. The two just don't go. It's just not healthy.

I wish everyone was just honest all the time, just themselves all the time. Not so many people that "beat-around-the-bush", be straight to the point.  Avoid unnessesary confusion. Avoid problems getting worse.
I remember, this one kid said to me that I shouldnt think of him in the way i think of all  the other people that have done the same thing. Which is stupid, why are you an exception? What makes you so incredibly differant and so important that you get a differant way out of a sticky situation. Choices are made and people are forgotten, it's very simple. There is no human better than another. We are all the fucking same in the end. I have no reason to change my thoughts or ways for one person. If i did then there would be no let-downs, just differant shitty problems that I am forced to think are okay.

It is 3:46 AM, and I know that i wont be getting any sleep. But i am going to lay down and have a think for a while.

(L)

SAW VI

Today was a horrible day at work. Luckily it was improved when me and Darren decided to go to the 9:15 screening of SAW 6! Again, it was gorey as anticipated. I suppose if you are into that stuff, it will not fail to impress. Bloody and guts aside, the story line confused the shit out of me. Maybe i missed one of them? Anyways, i was so confused the whole time. It didn't help having Darren crack the best funnies during the entire film. Honestly, not the best movie i have seen, but i suppose if you have some sort of sick fettish it may be just the movie for you!

I always think about the people that write these movies, think up the carefully hand-crafted machines used to kill the victims. What goes through these peoples heads? What do they ponder on to make them create these weaponds, even though they are fictional. It is such a scary thought.

Might watch some sort of 'pick-me-up' film....hmm..

Anchor Man it is.

Gotta' get me some RON!


(L)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Wonderful Evening

Hiii,

I actually had a really good night, tonight. Chilled at Jacks place and watched Lord of the Rings and that odd hooker movie that i didn't quite follow. Regardless, he is wonderful company, finnaly wasn't thinking about all the other crap that's going on at the moment. I need many more nights like tonight. So chilled and distracting. All of this other "stuff" has really been bothering me so i thank god for Jacks existance.

Not sure why this pointless bullshit is bothering me or why I still ponder over it all the time. Feels like until some changes are made it will continue to shadow me. I suppose at the end of the day I am the one left to make the decision of what I really want. People are too stubborn, too selfish. What do I want? I can either stand ground, leave this situation with a decent reason. Or stick around and wait for it to happen all over again. The correct answer seems to damn obvious. But the decision is still incredibly hard, still endlessly unhealthy, still a burden. Not sure what is going to help me make up my mind, or what is going to help make things a little clearer. But I feel pressured to make a choice fast, it must be the right one, no mistakes.

I have work bright and early tomorrow, but considering my constant confusion there will be little to no sleep taking place tonight. I can't wait for this shit to be over, I just can not wait. Still unaware of that the out come is going to be, I think I can rest assured knowing that there will be some sort of relief. Some huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The idea of this situation being gone is amazing. I crave it. It is so close, too close.

Now it's just me and my own company, the worst kind of company. No Jack or strange d.v.d to distract me and keep me smiling. I think I might force some shut-eye, see if my body decides to let me rest for the first time in a long time.

(L)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sleeping Sickness:Gerascophobia

I hate sleeping. As relaxing as it is, i feel as though it is hours and hours wasted. I'm paranoid that i am wasting my time. Considering I'm incredibly gerascophobic it makes sense i suppose, maybe that's what started my insomnia oh, so long ago? Too much on my mind, nothing on my mind at all, things to do, things i could be doing, laying down, standing up, completely conciousness, unconcious;utterly oblivious, production; progress. So many thing's i would rather be doing and so much precious time wasted.

I love the idea of slipping away from relaity for awhile, but i prefer to do that when I'm alive. I prefer to escape my own way, by writing, listening or playing music, reading, painting. All these things are all i need to get "my own time". I wish the body did not need sleep in order to function;if it didn't i would be away 24 hours a day,7 days a week.

The things I could get done in the "eight hours" of sleep i should be getting is unreal. I stay up for as long as i can, sipping on green tea, writing music and what ever else I feel like. Generally something productive; and the house is painfully silent. Makes working on every aspect of my songs alot easier. No distractions because everyone is dead.

I couldn't care less if anyone read this, or it was me typing to myself. I enjoy writing, feels much better seeing what I'm thinking and feeling as oppose to painting a picture far to big for my own good, in my own mind.

I've currently got some Dallas playing, some green tea and my music theroy book. It is quite a lovely array of things i have here, so I am going to go and enjoy them all.

(L)

Insignificance and disappointment.

Hiiiii for the second time today n___n. Brace yourself for a negative rant about bullshit.

Just playing guitar in my room and realized I'm struggling to write. I have been distracted by a few situations lately and I have come to the realisation that there is no point because they are incredibly insignificant.  

I am far to young, far to inexperianced to have those "permanent" people in my life. Regardless of what role they play wether it be current best friend, biggest crush or worst enemy they all seem so irrelivant to what i really want. I'm sure within the space of 2 years i will go through a bunch of people i thought i could turst and call "friends", a few relationships and alot of pointless hatred. It means nothing, the chances are i wont ever speak to nor remember these people. I highly doubt they will even scrape the surface or leave a mark on my life which i am still yet to live. This pathetic "teenage" drama and bitching is a complete joke in the sense that you are wasting your time talking about people or getting upset over what someone has said about you, whos name you wont recall in a few years or even months.

But in saying that, there are a few people who have stuck around for longer than a few days, weeks, months and more than tough situations, who i can call friends. Maybe in time i wont know them either (which is an horrid, scary thought), but for now i will only call the people closest to me, my friends. I think the only person i can safetly call my best friend is Darren. Not sure wether it's the long time we have been friends, or the fact that we have never had a disagreement or even the fact that we are almost the same person. Regardless; he has been a real amazing person in my life and it is his and only his opinion that i will ever take into consideration. As for the rest of them, acquaintances at most, i still appreciate them, but when it comes down to something incredibly significant the only people i will need are the ones closest to me already.

Not sure what it is, maybe I'm just scared of being constantly disappointed? Or maybe my expectations are too high? Considering the living-scum that inhabit this world, i shouldn't be expecting anything to great. I think after a while we all start to realize that being let down shouldn't be a big deal. Being let down should be expected. I don't like the idea of having people walk in and out of my life; or having people let me treat them to the best of my ability and in return be treated horribly. People continuously discuss their hatred for "fake" people. Yeah, we all wear some sort of "mask" sometimes, but maybe that's not the fake we should all be focusing on? Maybe we need to see the kind that is so fake, it is all the more real. The once incredibly genuine and pure were never really like that. We are just oblivious to the flaws in which they have maintained the intire time. We are constantly searching for someone to make a differance in our lives, someone for support, someone to love, someone for a laugh, anyone. I think I need to wake up and see past what is always on display. Where are all the "real" people? They are incredibly hard to find, most people now are only more advanced, more creative, more complex versions of the people we are today; selfish, ignorant with a touch of constant confusion.

 Either way, these "situations" are distracting me from what is really important. My music and my future. So now this is off my chest, perhaps i can stop seeking answers and just come to terms with the reality of it all.

(L)

Shitty Music Performances

Hiiii,

Just before everyone thought my school could not get any worse, they whip out the concert bands.
Not only are we FORCED to be in them but we have to play the worst music. I like classical, jazz and blues music, but we do this horrid kind of "cheap-swing" that makes your ears bleed. I got to play 4 Jazz chords today...it was beyond exciting?

I am so lucky that Lachlan Robbinson is in my music class, he is the best person you will ever meet in your life. His talent is beyond me. I am totally dreading next year for a few reasons; but the main one is that whilst I'm off to a new school, he stays at my current school. Music class without Lochie is a pointless and wasted. Not sure who i am going to have awesome jams with now but regardless no one could ever compair to him! Luckily we are in two developing bands together, so i deffinatly will still see him. But considering i have music 4 days a week, that leaves me a short 8 lessions left with him until the end. Didn't realize that even though most people at my school are complete douchers, there are some really amazing people who i will miss dearly. Sounds odd because i can see them out of school, it's not like I'm moving countries. But the majority of the time, we are at school. Alot of my memories will be from school and i would much rather share it with them than with anyone else. Anyways, today Lochie played me the song he wrote me for my birthday, it was easily one of the best gifts i recieved. It was written so well and played perfectly.

Speaking of gifts..I'm deffinatly more of a sentimental-gift loving person. Out of all the stuff I recieved, the best would be a wonderful letter from the great, Patrick Gengler, who i love more than words! The song Lochie wrote me which was amazing, a pair of pointy shoes i ranted about and wanted for yonks from Dee and a box of some of my favourite things from Adele.
To be honest, i didn't want anything at all for my birthday, but since these people are very persistant in gift-giving they did a more then wonderful job in getting the perfect things.

Anyways, to sum things up. Lochie is the best, i hate school and write me something. 

(L)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Vegan

Hiii,

Well I've been vegetarian for over a year now because i strongly disagree with the inhumane way animals are treated. Not just the way they are slaughtered but their general living conditions are beyond horrific. I finnally got my shit together and officially decided to go vegan. If I'm going to be vegetarian for that reason, i may aswell do it properly. So i walked myself down to IGA and got a few new things for my fridge like; soymilk and egg replacer and all that stuff. Then i went to this strange, little organic store where i got heaps of awesome vegetables and fruits and meds that will help me...not die due to lack of something, haha.
I also got a little stricter with the products i have been using such as shampoo&conditioner, making sure i get the brands that are not animal tested and mostly organic.

Fairly excited to start this new-and-improved diet and hopefully will be able to influence or encourage people to do the same, or at least look into it. You should really do some reasearch into animal cruelty because it's more common that you think and if we all put our heads together we have more then a good chance of making a differance.

Other than that, i have had two days off of school this week for no reason. I think my mum has started to realise how misterable I am when I'm there. So the last 48 hours I've been both sleeping and writing a new song which i am excited to share with Lochie when they are up to scratch. I wish i could sit in my room all day and write music and do nothing else, it's what i want to do for the rest of my life. The time i spend not doing that is time wasted.

Anyways, can't really be bothered writing any more because I am going to work on this song now.

(L)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Number One.

Well, this is my first blog ever.

To be honest I'm not too sure why i even made this. I don't think i will ever be able to think of anything to blog about.

Hmmmm.. i have about 15 days left of school? Which is amazing. That hell-hole is the biggest waste of time. I am forced to learn about subjects that i have no interest in, subjects that i will never need in my life. I want to sit in my room and play/write music all day. The amount of stuff i could get done in that time i waste at school is insane.

Speaking of music, what happened to Enter Shikari and NevershoutNever?
Enter Shikari's new songs are beyond awful in comparison to their old stuff. I was so excited to see them at Soundwave next year, but I'm assuming it's going to be one of those 'promotion gigs' where everyone who hasn't already heard their new stuff can hear it. Not keen.

Christofer Drew is the biggest sell-out, ever! He was much better before everything became "sex sells". His lyrics used to be better when he sang about REAL things. I honestly think he spends more time straightening his hair and getting professional photos of himself than he does writing music.

Thank god for good ol' Dallas Green, he makes my day!

Well thats more then enough bull-shit for today.

byee