I hate sleeping. As relaxing as it is, i feel as though it is hours and hours wasted. I'm paranoid that i am wasting my time. Considering I'm incredibly gerascophobic it makes sense i suppose, maybe that's what started my insomnia oh, so long ago? Too much on my mind, nothing on my mind at all, things to do, things i could be doing, laying down, standing up, completely conciousness, unconcious;utterly oblivious, production; progress. So many thing's i would rather be doing and so much precious time wasted.
I love the idea of slipping away from relaity for awhile, but i prefer to do that when I'm alive. I prefer to escape my own way, by writing, listening or playing music, reading, painting. All these things are all i need to get "my own time". I wish the body did not need sleep in order to function;if it didn't i would be away 24 hours a day,7 days a week.
The things I could get done in the "eight hours" of sleep i should be getting is unreal. I stay up for as long as i can, sipping on green tea, writing music and what ever else I feel like. Generally something productive; and the house is painfully silent. Makes working on every aspect of my songs alot easier. No distractions because everyone is dead.
I couldn't care less if anyone read this, or it was me typing to myself. I enjoy writing, feels much better seeing what I'm thinking and feeling as oppose to painting a picture far to big for my own good, in my own mind.
I've currently got some Dallas playing, some green tea and my music theroy book. It is quite a lovely array of things i have here, so I am going to go and enjoy them all.
(L)
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