Insignificance and disappointment.

Hiiiii for the second time today n___n. Brace yourself for a negative rant about bullshit.

Just playing guitar in my room and realized I'm struggling to write. I have been distracted by a few situations lately and I have come to the realisation that there is no point because they are incredibly insignificant.  

I am far to young, far to inexperianced to have those "permanent" people in my life. Regardless of what role they play wether it be current best friend, biggest crush or worst enemy they all seem so irrelivant to what i really want. I'm sure within the space of 2 years i will go through a bunch of people i thought i could turst and call "friends", a few relationships and alot of pointless hatred. It means nothing, the chances are i wont ever speak to nor remember these people. I highly doubt they will even scrape the surface or leave a mark on my life which i am still yet to live. This pathetic "teenage" drama and bitching is a complete joke in the sense that you are wasting your time talking about people or getting upset over what someone has said about you, whos name you wont recall in a few years or even months.

But in saying that, there are a few people who have stuck around for longer than a few days, weeks, months and more than tough situations, who i can call friends. Maybe in time i wont know them either (which is an horrid, scary thought), but for now i will only call the people closest to me, my friends. I think the only person i can safetly call my best friend is Darren. Not sure wether it's the long time we have been friends, or the fact that we have never had a disagreement or even the fact that we are almost the same person. Regardless; he has been a real amazing person in my life and it is his and only his opinion that i will ever take into consideration. As for the rest of them, acquaintances at most, i still appreciate them, but when it comes down to something incredibly significant the only people i will need are the ones closest to me already.

Not sure what it is, maybe I'm just scared of being constantly disappointed? Or maybe my expectations are too high? Considering the living-scum that inhabit this world, i shouldn't be expecting anything to great. I think after a while we all start to realize that being let down shouldn't be a big deal. Being let down should be expected. I don't like the idea of having people walk in and out of my life; or having people let me treat them to the best of my ability and in return be treated horribly. People continuously discuss their hatred for "fake" people. Yeah, we all wear some sort of "mask" sometimes, but maybe that's not the fake we should all be focusing on? Maybe we need to see the kind that is so fake, it is all the more real. The once incredibly genuine and pure were never really like that. We are just oblivious to the flaws in which they have maintained the intire time. We are constantly searching for someone to make a differance in our lives, someone for support, someone to love, someone for a laugh, anyone. I think I need to wake up and see past what is always on display. Where are all the "real" people? They are incredibly hard to find, most people now are only more advanced, more creative, more complex versions of the people we are today; selfish, ignorant with a touch of constant confusion.

 Either way, these "situations" are distracting me from what is really important. My music and my future. So now this is off my chest, perhaps i can stop seeking answers and just come to terms with the reality of it all.

(L)