Wonderful Evening

Hiii,

I actually had a really good night, tonight. Chilled at Jacks place and watched Lord of the Rings and that odd hooker movie that i didn't quite follow. Regardless, he is wonderful company, finnaly wasn't thinking about all the other crap that's going on at the moment. I need many more nights like tonight. So chilled and distracting. All of this other "stuff" has really been bothering me so i thank god for Jacks existance.

Not sure why this pointless bullshit is bothering me or why I still ponder over it all the time. Feels like until some changes are made it will continue to shadow me. I suppose at the end of the day I am the one left to make the decision of what I really want. People are too stubborn, too selfish. What do I want? I can either stand ground, leave this situation with a decent reason. Or stick around and wait for it to happen all over again. The correct answer seems to damn obvious. But the decision is still incredibly hard, still endlessly unhealthy, still a burden. Not sure what is going to help me make up my mind, or what is going to help make things a little clearer. But I feel pressured to make a choice fast, it must be the right one, no mistakes.

I have work bright and early tomorrow, but considering my constant confusion there will be little to no sleep taking place tonight. I can't wait for this shit to be over, I just can not wait. Still unaware of that the out come is going to be, I think I can rest assured knowing that there will be some sort of relief. Some huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The idea of this situation being gone is amazing. I crave it. It is so close, too close.

Now it's just me and my own company, the worst kind of company. No Jack or strange d.v.d to distract me and keep me smiling. I think I might force some shut-eye, see if my body decides to let me rest for the first time in a long time.

(L)