expectedsuprise

It's weird how you can completely read someone, map out their every move, their every answer, their every choice. Regardless, it still comes as a shock every single time. I expect people to disappoint because that's what the human race is good at. It's what we do best. But it seems it is still just as disturbing, still just as stomach churning just as horrible every time. It is one of those things you can try to prepair yourself for, but you can never be ready, one of those things that is always terrifying and never gets any easier regardless of how many times we go through it.

It is such a shame that they are all so similar, but our optimism seems to get the better of us each time. Looking past all the flaws that are so obviously displayed. We are either too nice or too nasy. When is there the pefect balance to be able to suss out a person properly without these significant mistakes.

Things like this make me feel litterally sick. I feel my stomach turn to shit every time something like this happens. I think it happens when pure hatred mixes with hope. It's like drinking a gallon of milk, then a gallon of apple juice. The two just don't go. It's just not healthy.

I wish everyone was just honest all the time, just themselves all the time. Not so many people that "beat-around-the-bush", be straight to the point.  Avoid unnessesary confusion. Avoid problems getting worse.
I remember, this one kid said to me that I shouldnt think of him in the way i think of all  the other people that have done the same thing. Which is stupid, why are you an exception? What makes you so incredibly differant and so important that you get a differant way out of a sticky situation. Choices are made and people are forgotten, it's very simple. There is no human better than another. We are all the fucking same in the end. I have no reason to change my thoughts or ways for one person. If i did then there would be no let-downs, just differant shitty problems that I am forced to think are okay.

It is 3:46 AM, and I know that i wont be getting any sleep. But i am going to lay down and have a think for a while.

(L)